SAFE AND SECURE

So I get to work this morning, feeling grrrreat until I get to Security, the place whereI am supposed to feel “secure.” Why don’t they trust me? I, obviously, work here. I dress professionally, at least I did before I had to remove my belt that beeped and my boots that beeped. Gosh, when they were done with me, I felt so “stripped down,” and I wasn’t feeling that great or secure.
So what did I do? I chose to smile. I decided to feel good about the fact that this little protocol is just another metaphor for my life. Where in my life or in my profession do I not feel secure or safe? Where in my life (my profession) do I not trust myself ? What situations or relationships in my life are trying to get my attention? I can always tell because in their own special ways, they are “beeping.” As a matter of fact, I notice that the beeps get louder the more I ignore them. In what way am I my own worst enemy or “terrorist” by seeing people and situations in my day through the lens of negativity? And, finally, what can I do as a team player to help those around me, including the sometimes angry or scared folks I meet in the elevator coming to court, feel more secure? After all, they have just come through “Security” also. Sometimes it just takes a smile.
Actually, I am grateful for those folks in uniform who are so willing to look out for a safe work environment for all of us. And I am also realizing that feelings of inner safety and security is really an inside job that depends on me and how I am approaching life, my work life, how I am willing to see people and situations, and simply how much I am willing to just smile.

KICKING AND SCREAMING

It's that time again! We get to play musical chairs! I'm just getting used to being in my courtroom. I've just developed a deep appreciation for the way things are set up in there. I know where everything is in my office. I've just figured out those jokes that the bailiff tells, and, wham, it's all going to change.

At this time of the year something wild happens at our courthouse. Judges are coming back from Timbuktu, satellite courts, or whatever, and others are assigned out. With them comes and goes their entire staff, or not. Some are left behind, thrown into the sea of unknown assignments. It just all feels so inconvenient, so hard, so scary.

Change. Why does everything have to change? Why can't things just stay the way they were? It's as if work wasn't already tough enough. Maybe there's another question to consider. How can I become more flexible and just go with the flow?

Isn't my work life a metaphor for life in general? Am I forgetting that I really have a choice in the matter. I can go kicking and screaming or I can just relax and see what's behind the spooky door of shift and change. I can hold my head up and just walk through, taking only one step at a time, and not just hope. I can actually be confident that there is something good for me that awaits, something that I would not have experienced had I not said yes to the whole transition.

In this whole transition, I can still remember what remains stable: My attitude still determines my day. The way I show up at work still contributes to and creates my work environment. And, of course, I still remain grateful that I am employed can enjoy the benefits of having a job when the unemployed line is growing longer every day. What remains true is that I'm still in control of my response to life, my response to change. Instead of harboring some inner resistance and holding my breath, this time I think I'll just relax and allow it to happen.

ROLLA COASTA!

Money, Finances, Income, Transcripts – Whew! This sometimes feels like a rollercoaster. I love this job…until tax season or until there’s seemingly another effort to “save the budget” and get rid of our profession, or even until the transcripts are not coming as much as they “used to.”
What is that about? What am I in this for? What am I still willing to put in, although opinions and seasons come and go? I am clear. I appreciate this work beyond all those passerbys. I am making a pact with myself today - - to stop worrying about all of that “stuff.” I’m giving myself over to taking one day at a time and filling each moment with touching the lives of those who get that final product of mine. Everyone can depend on that final product. So can I. And for me, the final product is that I’ve, once again, done a great and necessary job.

98 PERCENT IS PERFECT!

Today as one attorney handed me back something that needed to be corrected, I am proud to say that that did not register in me as anything “wrong with me.” I didn't kick myself or criticize myself or see myself lacking in any way. I am proud to say my mind immediately went to when I was a a child and my Grandmother would write letters to me. In those letters there was always included at the bottom a simple statement, “Excuse all mistakes..”

Hey, it’s just a mistake. It doesn't mean anything more than that. I owned it, and life goes on. I am on the step-ladder and moving upward. I am growing. I am learning . I'm getting better at this job every day, as I continue to add words to my dictionary.

Why have we always expected perfection in ourselves ? Why are we so hard on ourselves and unforgiving for an untranslate or two or that imperfectly spelled name that appeared on a transcript?

Even the State Board in California expect 98 percent accuracy. They allow us a little room to be human. We're allowed to make mistakes! Yea! I am grateful for this memory.

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL.....

Exhibit No. 5

Today I realize it’s not about what “they” say while testifying in that chair. It’s not about what "he" says or" she" says while sitting in that place of honor in a black robe. It’s not about what they say from that questioning position. It’s all about what I say.

What do I say about who I am? And what do I say about my self-worth and my value in the courtroom and everywhere else in the world that I find myself?

I know that who I am is so much bigger than what I do as a professional career. I know that my talents go way beyond what my teammates even see. But while I choose to do the work, it's up to me to see myself, value my own presence and identity and role. I am not depending on others to see that for me. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall…….”

PLAYTIME!

Looking at my desk, on one side I have pencils, pens, a calendar and copy paper. I have a three-hole punch, stapler and paperclips. Oh, and then I see jacks and a ball. I have fairy dust left over from last Halloween, and affirmation cards, and a stack of pictures that I cut out of a magazine that I found, pictures of what I would imagine my dream home to look like. Is this still sounding like a court reporter's desk?

That makes me think about some early programs of Sesame Street back in the day when I was growing up. There was a song that said, “One of these things is not like the other.” It was a guessing game where you were supposed to detect an object that didn't belong in a category with other objects.

Well, guess which of those objects mentioned doesn't belong on my desk? Maybe the jacks and ball? Surely, the fairy dust, one might guess. The truth is everything on my desk actually belongs there. Those things that have nothing to do with my job are simply reminders for me to play, to take a break, to daydream a bit, to step away from the stress. In the middle of long workdays, with so much to do, so many deadlines, I can get so caught up, that I won’t even take a lunch break. I have decided I can do even better than assuring myself of a lunch break. I will allow myself some playtime. It's amazing what can be created in a couple of minutes with a little fairy dust while daydreaming over a favorite magazine. Feels like recess!

I CREATE MY DAY

Now, what kind of day will I have today? Who gets to decide? What will affect it? Who will "effect" it? There are so many Q & A's for the day. The real question is how am I going to respond to whatever happens today?

I am deciding right now that there is nothing that can happen, nothing that anyone can say, either too fast or too slow, too muffled or too angrily, that will throw me so far out that I can’t find my way back to that “home row” on that steno machine, that “home row” in my mind. Home row in my mind is where I realize that a hundred years from now it’s not going to change how the earth spins on its axis, and it’s where I realize that there’s a part of me that is resilient, untouched, by whatever happens today . Therefore I’ll just decide to relax and be joyful, no matter what!